Co-Parenting: Don't Take it Personal
Good Day Good People!
tools to co-parenting is our tendency to internalize the emotions (and emotional reactions) of our former spouse or partner or to try to make the former partner or spouse feel what we feel (its hard to be totally innocent). This act often blurs the lines of communication and keeps emotions on high alert.
How do I know? Been there...done that! Even in my highest state of awareness I have allowed my emotions to temporarily disable and/or frustrate me. I sometimes fail to remember that I chose to let someone (outside of me) dial up and dial down my emotional responses. I ALLOW... I can also choose to disallow.
I know you may be wondering where's the metaphysical perspective I often offer with my insights? No worries.... Its coming!
First, lets assess why co-parenting can sometimes be so difficult. Lets remember that the child was created by the physical input of 2 separate people. That input included part of each partner joining together and becoming 1 unit. When you pulled apart... Part of each remained with the other whether conscious or unconscious of this act. Here is where the real emotions are charged... The "piece" left with the other is now missing... Gone. It now resides with the other person who has part of you and in exchange you have part of them! But never-the-less you are still missing part of you that you often long to have back.
Once separated from that personal, the closest access to the part of you being carried by another is found in the child you share. This understanding (again whether conscious or unconscious) item puts the child in the middle. Its the struggle for the missing pieces of you in your child that becomes the target whereby putting your child in the middle of a vicious and dangerous game of tug-of-war! In other words if we can't get it back from our partner we try to get it back from our child or use our child to leverage getting it back.
The challenge is most of us do not REALLY know what it is we are seeking or what in us is missing... So we keep pushing the buttons of the other person seeking an emotional response... mostly through pain, opposition, frustration, agvation... Intentionally!